This is my 21st Fake Movie Friday. Thus this is entitled
21st
We open on with our main character waking up in his bed to find his parents standing above him. He jumps as they shout HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHEN! He tells them to leave him alone. We find out it’s his 21st birthday, but he’s home for the summer from college. All his friends were unable to come or meet up so he’s stuck at home during the summer.
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I’m in Massachusetts at my Dad’s visiting because my sister is around. I’ve been thinking of a premise since last night and nothing was coming. I just had a let a dryer repairman in so let’s run with that and make it cursed or something.
Permanent Press
A child plays around with cars on in a basement. He keeps hearing noises and looks scared. LOUD NOISE JUMP SCARE! It’s just a cat, lol jk. His mom calls him upstairs and he runs up.
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I didn’t know what to write, so I asked resident artist Colm “www.colmics.com” Ryan for a suggestion. He eventually gave me this title. This is easily my worst yet, because I lost all will to write it about 1 paragraph in. There was going to be a whole subplot about an evil scientist trying to merge the cartoon world and real world, then I realized I did the whole cartoon/real world thing two weeks ago. Oh well, enjoy:
Total Fluff
I just watched the trailer for the newest Liam Hemsworth romantic drama, and everything about this screams, b.s., but it’s a legitimately real movie. This seems like someone read a Nicholas Sparks book and thought they could do better.
It might be the worst movie of the year.
ASHLEY is back to remind you how crazy and weird her movie are. In case you forgot.
Hey guys! Sorry it’s so short and that this is the first one in a month and a half. I think from now on when I write fake movies, they are going to rhyme. Hope that’s okay!
Fred
Here’s a tale from New York
that starred an adorable dork
who is now so dismally dead.
He lived alone with his cat
in a small downtown flat.
His name was poor, pitiful Fred.
Sit back and I’ll tell you
about this poor fellow,
and his beastly beaus three.
He slit his own throat
in a rusty old boat
in the bay, down by the sea.
Now let’s rewind a few months
and consider the cunts
that lead poor Fred astray.
Each supplied a knife,
and a world full of strife.
that drove poor Fred to the bay.
There was Darla, of course,
who looked like a horse!
But we can’t really blame her for that.
She wooed him, and screwed him,
and downright abused him.
Then the bitch ran away with his cat.
We can’t forget Carry,
who was just a bit scary,
and incredibly, enormously fat.
Turns out her desires
were more to start fires,
particularly in his quaint little flat.
And finally Christine,
the beauty queen,
who came into his life with a strut.
Her face was sweeter than honey,
when she ran off with his money,
the gold digging, two-timing slut.
Our hero, bereft,
was sadly left,
feeling very small.
He walked onto the dock
and heard the gulls squawk.
And there he ended it all.
Hey friends! I haven’t written a romantic comedy in a while and those are the most fun to write. Well I guess this is more romantic than comedy, because frankly I am trying to make you cry.
Memories of Tomorrow
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This is going to be really weird. I brainstormed this one with Andrew and Ashley today at lunch, after Ashley gave the suggestion of “pickle.”
Dill Kill
We open on Phil, a pickle artisan. We see him shoving something into a brine. His son is watching him in the corner. We see a porcupine in a cage also watching Phil.
“Come here, pickles.”
Both his son and the porcupine look, but Phil is only interested in the porcupine. We see Phil trying to shove the porcupine into a pickling jar. The son watches. Continue reading
So I’ve been without Cable or the Internet for the past few days. I was going to write a movie about a world where we lose these things but realized it’s been done. It was called ‘The Postman’ and it was PERFECT. So here’s a film about a magic library instead.
Seeing Books
It’s raining and a kid sits out in front of his house. He calls his mom on her cell phone but it goes right to voicemail. He tries the door again but it’s locked. He notices some neighborhood toughs coming down the street and tries to hide but they see him. A standard kids-movie bullying scene follows. It’s not overly mean as much as awkward that the bully is putting in so much work.
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I asked for a suggestion of a movie title last night at the show to write for today. I couldn’t have asked for a better title, too bad the movie is going to be awful! It will be a hybrid animated / live action à la Cool World.
Midnight Globe Trouters
Holly, Jack and Frank (yeah those are the names of the main characters from Cool World) have all been best friends for years and at the end of this summer, just before they all move away for college or some bullshit, they decide to go on a week long fishing trip booked by Holly’s father, whom she hasn’t seen in years but sends her messages every so often. Holly’s been afraid of the water since she was a little girl and is facing her fears. They arrive at the boat and Captain Torture is there to meet them. “Har har, it’s only a name. Get ready for the trip of a life time,” he says upon first meeting the group. Continue reading
The idea for this film came out of our practice last week. We were discussing making a movie about Suge Knight and Tupac. It somehow shaped its way into being a bible allegory. Let’s do this.
Kaine and Able
Movie opens up on two kids outside on a stoop. They have a boom box. They are both rapping along to ‘California Love.’ The smaller of the kid is shown clearly idolizing the other. The song ends and the older kid puts his arm around the other and says “Listen lil’ bro. One day people will be singing my songs. I’m going to be huge.” The camera zooms back and fades to the opening credits as the kids start to sing another song.
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