Alright this is going to be a quick one. I’m incredibly sick at the moment, my head is spinning a good bit, but I can still type. This weeks movie, a suggestion from Colm, is:
The Winds of Essex
We open in 1884, the rail road is almost done being built, finally providing easy access to the rest of England. Matilda is the owner of a dress shop has been doing rather well for herself. All of the folks around town like her very much. Continue reading
So instead of giving you guys a fake movie friday last week, I thought I’d save my shitty take on a christmas movie, but also make a sequel at the same time.
Dude Where’s My Baby
The film opens up on Jesse (Ashton Kutcher) and Wanda (Jennifer Garner) calling Chester (Seann William Scott) and Wilma (Marla Sokoloff) and asking how the baby is. Chester says the baby is totally “shibby” and that they’re so happy to have little rugmuncher around the house. Jesse says that if they need anything (while making body language to suggest weed smoking) to call him. Chester says thanks and the movie starts. Wilma now has a high powered business lady job in the city and Chester is a house-husband. So he and the baby, named Tiger have a really great connection. Wilma reminds him that her parents are coming for Christmas Eve dinner, so he and Tiger need to be on their best behavior. Chester says of course and tells her they are going to run some errands all day and chill and stuff, but they’ll be fine. We cut to Chester at the supermarket in the snacks aisle. The baby is like at that age where it can walk, but not like talk a bunch FYI. Anyway, Chester sees what looks like a mugging from the other aisle, and when he turns to grab Tiger and leave she’s gone, cue the classic line, Dude Wheres My Baby?
Ok super long day at work and totally might have forgotten about this. Here’s the title I got from last nights Pig Pile.
Honey! I Ate The Vacuum
Movie begins with a women getting up out of bed. She gets breakfast ready, she does laundry and we see this is all before the kids wake up. Her two children finally come down to eat and they sit down as a family. One seat is missing and she sighs. She gets up and walks to a door leading to the basement.
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I think this was the suggestion of a movie title I got last night. I cannot remember at this point… but it was something like this.
Bumpkin
In the Chisslewood Forest that is in the land of Blissington there lives a society of elves. A very human like society with schools, hospitals etc, except that everything used is magic. They teach magic, read books about magic, all their songs have the word magic in the title (along with some human songs with magic in the title), they cure disease with magic. They have a magic mirror which transports them to the human world through the clouds, but it is forbidden to do so unless you are told explicitly by the Calelf, the ruler of all of Blissington. There are also three androgynous siblings, Bumpkin, Trumpkin and Mumpkin. Continue reading
Now before we all jump on Michael Bay for making nothing but awful movies, lets remember he directed The Rock, Bad Boys, and one of my favorite action movies of all time, Bad Boys II. I like that with Pain and Gain he’s getting back to telling a smaller story (by his standards) and it’s set in the 90’s, a time he knows extremely well having been a music video director.
His leads are Mark Wahlberg, Anthony Mackie, and The Rock playing a bunch of juiced-up gym rats. I’m sold on that alone.
See for yourself:
According to the man himself:
Sly had invited me to be in Expendables 2 but I was too busy filming CZ12 and couldn’t make a commitment to the film. But he did extend his invitation to the third movie, which I agreed on the condition that I will be appearing as more than just a minor role with a few scenes.
Sounds great to me. Expendables 2 was a lot of fun, they might as well go all out for the third. Here’s hoping he gets a few decent fights and doesn’t drop out of the movie (literally) like Jet Li did in Expendables 2.
Via Twitch
So we got that short bit of Star Trek footage a few weeks back and it looked great. Benedict Cumberbatch’s villain seems to be close to Kirk and a real threat, bringing some serious “Darkness” to the film. The first full teaser goes further to emphasize that. If you can’t tell from the Man of Steely voiceover and Hans Zimmers “BWAAAAAAAAANG” than you need to get your eyes checked.
Also, textbook lensflare in this:
So I have an original story in the backburner, so I’ll toss this out for now. It’s paced like Forest Gump and The People Vs. Larry Flynt, in that it has some comedic bits, but is really a true story that feels like a tall tale.
I’m doing a biopic of that crazy guy who ran for office, Jimmy McMillan. He will be played by Samuel L. Jackson and the bulk of the story will be told as a flashback in a courtroom. We open on a prosecutor, played by Ed Norton who is trying to convince a jury that Jimmy McMillan deserves to spend the rest of his life in jail after he causes a near riot in NYC during an Occupy Wall Street demonstration. Jimmy, defending himself says everything he’s ever done, he’s done for the people and then the flashbacks start.
Vietnam Flashback. Typical music plays and we see Jimmy the hero, saving his entire platoon but falling in love with a vietnamese woman. Jimmy decides to stay there, but his captain kills the vietnamese woman. Jimmy then sees the true evil of war and demands to come home.
Flash to his life in Brooklyn. We see Jimmy struggles to integrate into society and even does a few enforcer type jobs for drug dealers. He knows its wrong, but the world has forgotten about Jimmy. He later becomes a professional wrestler, and reaches the heights of popularity, before a steroid scandal forces him into retirement.
(between each flash we go back to the courtroom and various other witnesses being examined by the prosecutor or Jimmy)
Flash to his life trying to get into politics. Jimmy is never taken seriously, especially when running for Gov, but during Occupy Wall Street, his rally “The Rent is 2 Damn High” finally gains traction and Jimmy becomes the voice of the OWS movement and the voice of the voiceless. The police, one of which is totally Michael Rapaport try and stop Jimmy’s rally, but the people are behind him and they fight the cops and two 20-something’s die in the process.
This is blamed on Jimmy, which brings us back to the courtroom. Jimmy delivers an empowering final speech about how his whole life he’s been kept down, people have been kept down, and even this lawsuit is a way to keep the people down, but THE RENT IS 2 DAMN HIGH! He keeps saying it as the judge slams the gavel. The people of the courtroom are saying it now, even the jury. They rule that he is not guilty, but the judge finds him in contempt and he spends a year in jail. In jail, we see that Jimmy is able to connect with younger criminals and help them turn their lives around. Jimmy is finally the hero we always thought he could be.
So, I did the Hobbit at midnight last night. Took the day out of work, and told myself around 3 that meant I could work on my FMF and get it out early. Then I fell asleep until 630. So here it is late!
Trip Van Winkle
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Colm tried to give me a very happy title of a movie, which I enjoy. Here we go!
Bright Sunshine and The Well Lit Room
Dan is a shut in. He’s a germaphobe and keeps his room incredibly clean. His whole room is encased in plastic, he lives like the boy in the bubble but he never leaves his room for anything. He orders all of the food he needs online as well as everything else that he needs.