Movie Movie Podcast

Jonathan Tiglias (not his real name) is God’s single greatest creation. The man is a Fake Movie Title genius. He’s good at a few other things but this is the real reason why he was put on this Earth. I’m going to try my best to do this title justice.

The Wonderful, Exciting World of Arthur Tribb and the Many Beautiful Women Who Hate Him

Doctor’s rush a screaming pregnant woman through a hospital. The delivery room doors shut. Silent beat before we hear a baby crying. Before the doors swing back open, a nurse running off with the baby as the mother screams “get that stupid fucking thing away from me.

-Title Card-
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So it’s a tradition that I ask the audience at Pig Pile for a suggestion for my next day’s Fake Movie Friday. It’s a great way to involve our friends in the site and maybe grab some new readers. Alas here’s possibly the 4th title Zach has shouted out.

Fool Me Once

Movie opens with Paulson, a ceo, driving his fancy car into the expansive driveway of his mansion. On the phone he is rudely firing someone but as he opens the door he finds that he has been robbed. His house is empty and there is only a note on the floor that reads “Shame on you.”
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Hitting a large bucket at the driving range counts as exercise right? I need to be validated in how tired I now am. Title by Tigs. He is now my go to for titles.

Desert Wind

A car turns down a small desert road in the night. A couple emerges from it and they have clearly been drinking a little. They make out and fall to the ground as the wind starts to pick up. The guy stands up and starts unbuckling his belt as the lady squirms a bit on the ground commenting on the wind. She thinks she hears something strange and he tells her she is being paranoid. The wind picks up even more and we hear a quick high pitched wine as blood splatters all over her bare chest. She looks up to find him headless. She turns to run and we hear the sound again. She stops and looks down as her body splits in two at the waist.
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I thought I would have some time at work to write this. Thus the great and powerful Tigs gave me this title earlier this afternoon. You’d think it would have been a good idea for me to think of a plot at some point the last 6 hours. Here we go!

The Flight of the Bluebirds

The camera follows a mosquito as it buzzes around a house down into a flowerbed. It flies around a bit before a bluebird swoops down devouring it. Our main character Joan sits in the garden reading, watching the bluebird. The sun is going down and she sighs, turning back into the house alone. In voice over she explains the bluebirds place in the garden. How it is an efficient bug killer and a good friend to any gardener. The partnership of the two is important; the bluebird will stay if the gardener provides safety and plants.
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We have a problem. I’m off today and have had all day to write this. Tigs gave me a ton of great titles but I’ve had little to no motivation. Could this be the end of Fake Movie Friday? Probably Not. Maybe. Who knows?

The Last Mushroom
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So my computer battery died last weekend and I’ve been without all week. It hasn’t been fun. Writing this at work (don’t tell!). I apologize for this being my 2nd Fake Movie Saturday. I think this came from Russ’ sister.

Spring Breakers 2

Movie starts off with yet another montage of people partying in slow motion. There’s a voice over of a young man talking about his dreams. How he stood on a beach at sunrise, the sky on fire, the ocean boiling, and a girl sucking his dick.

TITLE SCREEN
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So I’m sitting at the table eating pizza in my underpants, fan blowing directly into my crotch, and I realize: IT’S FAKE MOVIE FRIDAY! So here I go once again writing the intro before I actually know what the hell I’m going to do. I bothered Megan McShane until she gave me this title, then immediately apologized.

Pants on Fire

Movie opens in flashback, and we see a pants factory in the 70s. The people, looking real 70s are producing pants as the camera pans around them. It then comes up off the floor and into the office overlooking it. A man talks to his three kids about the importance of the factory. How it helps the town and how factories like this make America the best country in the world. One son and daughter don’t seem to care as another listens intently.
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I’m tired as hell. It was stupid hot yesterday and I probably should have had more water, also less beer. I have no idea what to write. I need a title. Time to find someone to give me one. I’ll be right back. YES! Tigs reminded me about an idea I had on the last podcast. It’s not up yet so when you listen to it you’ll see my AMAZING creative process.

Nesting

Open on young people driving out to the boonies to clean out the house of one of their great aunts who died. Ken rides in the back next to his girlfriend Kris. In the front are Don and his girlfriend Laura. Ken’s aunt died of old age and the family hardly talked to her.
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