Movie Movie Podcast

Working in a high school means a LOT of my movies will take place in one now…

#DeadAF

This is a teen slasher much like the slashers of the Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer vein.

We open on a packed high school football game.  Wellington High is losing to rival Regency South by a score of 20-14.  There are 10 seconds left in the game, when star Quarterback Jeff Worthy, decides to audible the play and instead of passing the ball to a wide open Leon, the best receiver, he scrambles on a broken play and runs the ball upfield before being tackled at the 1 yard line.  Wellington loses.  The crowd boos heavily.  After the game, Jeff’s teammates are giving him shit for losing the game for them and he says, at least he tried…Shortly thereafter, Jeff is in the shower still after the game and hears his phone go off.  He gets out of the shower to check the message,  and it’s from twitter.  The name is @redacted and the message is, “Tonight, you’re gonna be #DeadAF”  He laughs it off and starts changing. He hears a tap on one of the lockers, when he goes to investigate, he hears it at a locker on the other side of the locker room.  This goes on once or twice, and Jeff says “haha very funny, cut it out.” Right at that point, our killer, wearing all black and a Heath Ledgers, Joker Mask jumps out and stabs Jeff in the face repeatedly.  He then takes a picture of Jeff’s mangled face and posts it to Jeff’s instagram.  The caption is “I’m #DeadAF”

TITLE CARD.

Continue reading →

I just watched Sausage Party on my birthday and I got to thinking about what other objects were left to be anthropomorphized in film. I came up with this:

One Leg at a Time

We open in a bedroom. It’s dark. We hear disembodied voices. There is a conversation about who he is going to be picked on today. There is a strong voice “Red, I bet you anything it’s Red Shirt today.” A softer voice answers “Oh pipe down Gene, just because you get picked almost every day, that doesn’t mean you know everything” Gene (Randall Park) begins to answer when an alarm goes off. A figure gets out of bed and puts on fuzzy slippers. We only ever see him from the neck down. He gets ready and puts on a pair of well worn jeans and a red tee shirt.
Continue reading →

If this doesn’t make sense, I wrote it in and out of sleep last night.

We open a nerdyish boy and girl (both 15) on a class field trip heading the Queens Museum of Science.  As they sit on the bus, other high school students are making fun of them calling them typical high school insults.  The Earth Science teacher, Mr. Warren, played doofishly by David Arquette tells the other kids to leave Ben and Milla alone. Ben and Milla are our nerds and we can assume they are played by any combination of the Stranger Things kids, I don’t really care.

Anyway, the class gets to the Museum and Mr. Warren tells them they have 2 hours to explore the museum, but not leave or get lost.  The rest of the kids seem mostly disinterested in the museum as a whole, but Ben and Milla really love it.  They spend their day exploring all of the different areas of the museum until they come across one part of the museum that explicitly states “no trespassing”  Milla, who always seems to goad Ben tells them they should sneak a peek inside. Ben, the more reserved one, says they shouldn’t but Milla wears him down.  When they peak in, they see what looks to be a space ship in an below-ground hangar.  They cautiously approach the door of the spaceship, which is glowing bright red, and as soon as Ben puts his hand on the door, it flies open and a giant creature flies out.  For dramatic effect, the lights in the room flicker off and on, and Ben and Milla look ahead as a Tyrannosaurus Rex stares right back at them and says, “Thank you”  Ben and Milla both go “WHAT?!?!?” and they pass out simultaneously.  SMASH CUT to the title card REX and the CITY

Continue reading →

Three in a row, let’s see if I can keep this up. Here is my take on a movie like ‘Garden State’ from a different perspective. Enjoy.

Manic Pixi’d

Ron is driving down the highway. It’s the middle of the night and no one else is on the road. There is a bridge coming up and Ron drives right off it. The car hits the water and sinks. As the car fills with water Ron gets a satisfied look in his eyes.
Continue reading →

Ashley made me watch Nightmare Before Christmas and it was just Thanksgiving which we spend with Pete’s family (thanks Pete!) Tim Burton famously said “I was always very protective of [Nightmare] not to do sequels or things of that kind. You know, ‘Jack visits Thanksgiving world’ or other kinds of things just because I felt the movie had a purity to it and the people that like it.” You see where this is going.

Trick or Turkey

It’s the end of another Halloween. All of Halloweentown is celebrating except for Sally. She is depressed. Jack and their young son Sam sing a song about how good their lives are and how she should be thankful. She can’t be consoled, she brings up the fact that Jack always disappears around this time and is never honest about where he goes. Moreover Doctor Finklestein, her maker, disappeared earlier in the year and she doesn’t want to be alone. Jack is vague about where he goes but says it’s something he needs to do.
Continue reading →

We open on a digitally aged-down Sophia Loren, playing Vincenza, a very beautiful woman.  She is a single mother in her early 40s in the 1970’s.  She has two small children, a boy and girl and she lives a very hardscrabble life as a baker’s apprentice in a small village in the Tuscan province of Italy.  She barely makes enough money to survive.  That is until she meets Donnatella DeDonnalo, The Tuscan Milf. Donnatella tells  Vincenza, that she could live a much different life if she’d like to.  Donnatella is getting too old to continue on as the Milf of Tuscany, to which Vincenza asks “what is the milf of tuscany?” Donnatella tells her, “you have NO idea.”  We cut to a title card.

(We cut to 40 years later) Continue reading →