Ok… I don’t even know where to start with this…
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Ok, it’s almost 9 and I just got home from work. Tigs told me this for a title. This WILL be quick
Carnivalworld
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As Russ said we all took suggestions last night at the 3rd anniversary of Pig Pile. My suggestion is below. I wrote out an outline on the bus this evening and I think it is really awesome, let’s see if I can make those scribbles make sense. It’s a bit long but stick to the end, I think it’s really fun.
Who Shot the Teddy Bear?
Movie opens up with three men busting through the door into a mechanics garage. Two of them, Stevie and Tugs, celebrate over a bag of money and jewelry. The third man, Tony, looks nervous and sick. Stevie tries to cheer him up and Tony yells, “I shouldn’t have let you convince me. Why did I take your gun? I killed him!”
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Last night at Pig Pile, I asked for a suggestion of a movie title, and I got screwed with Murder Butthole, so now you’ll get screwed with my treatment for Murder Butthole.
Murder Butthole stars Alexander Skarsgaard as Sam Godspeed an extreme weather hunter. I don’t know what that means really but go with it. He tracks crazy storms and does whatever he can to help save the civilians of that city or something. He’s a disgraced weatherman who lost his job when his prediction of a category 4 superstorm didn’t happen. He caused mass hysteria and lost his job. Now he’s a scruffy drinker, going from town to town trying to warn cities of impending doom. He lives in a souped up fancy van and still posts news reports from his van to post on YouTube.
Basically right after all the exposition of his past brings us to the present, we see Sam’s weather truck starts picking up some crazy readings that a category 5 superstorm is on it way to coastal Maine. The Governor of Maine, Miranda Taylor, played by Carla Gugino, gets word that Sam is on his way to Maine to try and convince Miranda to schedule a state of emergency. When he gets there she threatens to have him jailed for causing a public disturbance etc and reminds him of what happened in Arizona (the wrong prediction). Right as he’s about to respond, the sky turns super black. Sam has a giant speech right now about taking him seriously. He says something about how Maine isn’t in the eye of the storm. “We’re in the butthole. and When you’re in the butthole of a storm all the shit will come raining down on you somethin fierce” He starts talking about how a Butthole storm doesn’t just claim lives, it changes them. People will start fighting each other, after the storm is long past, and soon all is lost. Miranda still refuses to believe him. She says Mainers are a tough proud people and they’ve lived through worse.
Right as she says that, the Butthole of the storm opens wider and starts raining hail pellets large enough to kill people. Sam was right and this isn’t even the worst of the storm. Miranda realizes he was right and attempts to start declaring a state of emergency, but for some convenient reason all the cell towers and electricity in the entire state goes out. So it’s up to Sam and his solar powered (yea it’s solar now) Van to stop this murderous butthole. Larry Peters, a crazy longshoreman played by John Hawkes decides to help Sam and now Miranda (who is wearing a tank top, just cause). They start trying to rescue women and children first and get them to the safest place in Maine, The Maine Ampitheater? Sure. Miranda used to be Special Forces. She apologizes for not believing Sam and he ignores her cause it’s about saving lives and getting a signal out to the government to come in for help. After 45 mins of special effects destruction including the death of an elderly couple that were in the group Sam’s trying to save, the Butthole passes, but now looting and pillaging have become the norm for people. People have turned on each other and are killing each other for food and water. Maine is basically a war zone. Sam blames Miranda for not listening while there was still time, and they have an impassioned argument. Then we can see this clearly leads to them doing it.
In the morning they wake up and they, along with Larry have been captured by a gang of crazed civilians. They steal the Van from Sam too. He explains to them that he’s trying to save them all, make things go back to normal before the butthole. The leader of crazies, Yosemite, played by Bill Paxton, says they are the butthole now. The butthole that determines their fate. They like things better this way. Miranda, as Sam is trying to reason, gets a small knife passed to her from Larry and cuts Yosemite in the leg. This buys the 3 of them enough time to escape, but right as Sam gets close to his van, a sniper shot almost takes him out. It hits Larry killing him. Miranda tells Sam to keep running. She picks up some automatic weapon from the ground and starts firing at all the crazies. She hits most of them, but not before she gets hit with a semi fatal gunshot wound to the abdomen. Sam doesn’t see this, but get to the van in time to send an emergency broadcast to the govt. who almost immediately gets ground and air troops into Maine. In a fashion that makes you wonder why they didn’t just go in in the first place. Sam rushes over to Miranda and sees that she might die. He begins to cry and she says some stuff about how he’s a hero in her book.
We cut to 3 months later and news reports show that Maine is restabilizing and Sam is now a local Maine weatherman etc, and still has weird intuitions better than everyone else. After he’s done at work we see people trying to stop and take pics with him, and he obliges. After a few seconds, a familiar voice asks for his autograph. it’s Miranda. They are obviously dating now and he gets into the limo with her and says “Lets go home”
The End
I don’t have much of an introduction for this, basically have my fingers crossed that the basic idea that I have from selecting a title turns out to be something fun. Here we go!
Family Trigger
An older Harvey Keitel-ish type man slowly gets out of bed. He looks up to see his NYPD dress blues hanging up ready for him. He showers and gets dressed and we see a ton of pictures him younger getting awards, meeting important people, and finally a few pictures of him with a young girl as she grows up and finally one with her graduating the police academy. As he finishes dressing and leaves the room we see a newspaper announcing the girl was killed on duty.
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My random word generator made me think of a photography school movie. That’s as far as I’ve gotten, so let’s see where this writing takes us.
Photogeneric
Tyler is going to art school studying photography. His parents move him in, the normal stupid crap when parents move kids in on the first day of school. Tyler has an old camera, not like the newer digital cameras that all of his classmates have. He immediately falls for Sophia, a girl in his class who also happens to be going out with the head photographer for the schools highly regarded newspaper, Britt (very specifically with two t’s and he makes this know a lot). She is studying digital art and takes a liking to him because he uses an old camera and is a bit weird.
Out to Lunch is a shitty slacker comedy starring Jesse Eisenberg, Adam Devine, and Teresa Palmer.
The basic structure is as follows: Two best friends, Nick (Eisenberg) and Seth (Devine), in their mid 20’s work in a mall at Sneaker store in middle america. They are mostly content to dick around at work, piss off their boss, Mr. Franklin, played by Orlando Jones, and eat in the mall food court everyday. They share an apartment that is a wreck and mostly drink beer, smoke drugs, and play xbox all day. Life could not be better. They don’t even care about girls. That is until one day, their best gal play Renee, who works at the Chicken N’ Such in the food court informs them at lunch that she’s recently been dumped by her boyfriend who cheated on her then dumped her. It’s clear both these dudes, have always had a thing for her, but since she was taken they didn’t think about it.
This is one of those middle eastern political thrillers about covert ops and stuff. I blame Hurricane Sandy for this being late.
Jamie Foxx and Jessica Biel play the lead Army Rangers, James Caller and Jill Harper who are recruited to do special ops missions for the CIA. Their handler, Cal Marshall played by Kyle Chandler recruited them because he used to be their unit commander back in the day. Anyway, Cal puts together covert mission to extract a U.S. POW, Will Stilton, played by Bill Fichtner from indiscriminant Arab terrorist forces, as soon as he gets the intel as to where Will is.
They go into some curiously empty cave thingy where the terrorists are and they extract Will using deadly force. They are ambushed however by the indiscriminant terrorists and are all three, forced to hole up in a local town restaurant until the coast is clear. Cal goes to the head of the CIA covert ops division, David Wallace, played by Mark Strong, to ask him to send more soldiers into their area because he got a distress call. David says he wont risk it. The information about this mission has already spread to far. Cal angrily reports back to James and Jill that they will have to get Will out themselves. Cal put the mission together without his authorization, so he wont put his name on it.
James and Jill are partners long enough we can tell that they’ve been in situations like this before and know how to handle it, but Will tells them this is different. If he gets back to the US and reports back on the terrorist activity he found, he’ll be a target. Long story short he tells them that (flashback scene) David sent him to Iraq months ago to gain intel on terrorist activity and Will was too good at his job and found out that David was paying Iraqui terrorists to commit crimes on US soil, so that our foreign defense policies would look weak, he could gain more authority and use that to leverage a presidential campaign. If Will comes back alive he’ll be killed and discredited. James and Jill say that’s not going to happen. They have a plan. They decide, the only way to get back to the US safely, is to be considered dead. They discreetly contact Cal and tell them what they’re going to do and he says it’s a suicide mission. James says “exactly”. They decide that they are going to go back into the caves, and go back INTO the terrorist compound to get hard evidence on David, and be considered dead.
The next act is nothing but a bunch of hardcore terrorist killing action by James and Will, while Jill does hacker stuff to get into rooms that have photos of David shaking terrorist dudes hands and stuff. They get the info but not before Will is shot in the neck and killed. He tells them he’ll die a patriot if they get that evidence back to someone they trust at the CIA. David catches on that Cal’s been speaking with James and Jill and attempts to paint those three as US terrorists and uses his new authority to do so. However, by the time James and Jill get back to US soil and get the flashdrive of information to one of the CIA field agents who is waiting to arrest them, the jig is up. The agent calls to have another agent arrest David for crimes against the US. He shoots one of the agents and James and now freed Cal run after him as he goes to a roof to get a helicopter. James and Cal corner him and right as David tries to shoot Cal, Jill from behind shoots him.
James and Jill clear Will’s name, Cal takes over the division and everyone wins. Some useless stats about military stuff plays on screen. The end.
CRAP. I completely forgot it was Friday. So lets shit something out shall we? Taking the genius method of the Artist Currently Known as Tigs and using a random word generator. I got, BURGLER and SCHOOLCHILD. So this is a bit of a rip off of the 2004 film ‘Catch that Kid.’ The title is not to be confused with some kid version of ‘Con-Air.’
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I can’t think of anything witty to say here (arguably I never have) so let’s just jump into this movie!
Good Morning, Delilah
We open on a middle-aged house wife, Delilah, straightening up, cleaning, cooking, and such. Her husband comes home and they have dinner and chat about their day. It is obvious that Delilah is a bit immature. They seem to have a relatively normal life and relationship until one day Delilah starts to hear thing and see shadows outside, shadows that tower over the house but there doesn’t seem to be anything causing the shadows.