Category Archives: Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday: Flies Attack

Yeah I know it’s late but listen, I’m a man with man needs! And as a man I have things to do. Such as get a burrito. So summer in my apartment building means flies. Thus a houseguest gave this suggestion.

Flies Attack

Movie opens with fire trucks speeding through a small town. People are running out of their homes chasing after them. The camera follows to a school burning to the ground. There are only a few students outside as the parents arrive realizing their kids never made it. The camera pans to one student standing stone faced as cops scream around him. TITLE
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Fake Movie Friday: Dee Ay Dee

Another Thursday night writing session. I was about to write the second film in the “Their Hearts Trilogy” but I’m too tired. I really want to plan out the story for parts 2 + 3. The Taft trilogy was really loosely connected but these are straight sequels. So let’s crap something out instead.

Dee Ay Dee

We start on a montage of a little girl, Rose, and her working class father, Mickey. As she grows up it’s clear she is extremely gifted. Reading everything in the house and spelling things. Her father ignores het talent as she grows up. She wins a few spelling bees as a kid in school and gets invited to nationals. Her father still doesn’t seem to care but agrees to take her.
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Fake Movie Friday: On Open Water

It’s technically Friday and I can’t sleep, so here I go. I watched not one but two television specials on the evidence for mermaids. The rest of the story about where I watched it makes the story even better but not now. Let’s do it.

On Open Water

Chris rolls into a tiny fishing village in Maine. He heads into a bar filled with the locals. A few drunks try and start some shit with him. He fights them off and this is pretty much the beginning of Star Trek.
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Fake Movie Friday: Vin Diesel Flying Through The Air

I’m tired. It’s been a long week. But fuck that shit, I saw FURIOUS 6 last night and it was the best. THE BEST! I actually have zero ideas and can only think of Vin Diesel flying through the air.

Vin Diesel Flying Through The Air

We open on Brad, a young student sitting in class. The teacher is going on about the American Revolution. Brad starts to daydream about him and George Washington riding across a field to a line of British Soldiers. George Washington pops on sunglasses and says, “let’s do this.” They take out AKs and start shooting.
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Fake Movie Friday: Anonymous

Last night was Pig Pile, which means today’s title is courtesy of a random audience member, an anonymous audience member even. Let’s do this.

Anonymous

Our main character Rick, 20-something, works in the bursar’s office at a small college. He’s down on his luck and hates his job. Quick montage of kids coming to hisdesk to inquire about their tuition bill and complaining. The last person is a pretty girl name Jess who makes monthly payments in cash from her waitressing job and we see the chemistry between the two. He comes home one night and his girlfriend Diane, who he lives with, is mad at him. They fight about a few things and she storms off, they are both clearly unhappy.
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Fake Movie Friday: The Picnic Table

I haven’t written one in a while, but I asked for a suggestion last night at the show and I’ll be damned if I let this one slip by too! I won’t lie, this ENTIRE movie is a rip of. A retelling if you will. Sort of. Just not as good because it’s me. With that I give you:

The Picnic Table

There is a school official speaking to two parents. She, Mrs Appleby, is the head of a near by all female boarding school in South Dakota and is telling the parents not to worry. Their daughter, Sara, has been in trouble a lot recently at her public school and this is the best way to go. That Joan Lindsay Boarding School is the best in the country, their graduates go on to do great things and to trust her. The conversation is being interspersed with shots of Sara in her room packing. She thinks about jumping out the windows and running away but sees the school van outside with a driver still there. She has to leave everything that can be used to contact anyone else behind, her computer, phone, the only thing electronic she can take with her is her watch. Everything else will be provided for her. Sara comes down the stairs with a suitcase, looks at her parents who get up to come and say goodbye to her, but Sara just walks out the door. Mrs Appleby follows her and they ride in the school van to a remote boarding school, surrounded by beautiful nothingness.

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Fake Movie Friday: Bless Their Hearts

Hey all. Writing this on Thursday because I will have no time tomorrow. I bet you are wondering what it feels like to be the last man standing, the only one to not skip a week. It feels lonely. Like to say a huge congrats to Tigs and Russ for all the amazing work they did inspiring me each week. I won’t be stopping any time soon. Someone at work said this today and I’ve decided it is based on book one of a young adult series.

Bless Their Hearts

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Fake Movie Friday: 20-Something Brunette

Hey all you beautiful people. It’s a lovely Friday. What a great way to kick off another year of no one caring about what I write once a week! So let’s start Fake Movie Friday YEAR TWO! This is a quick one, writing at work.

20 Something Brunette

Movie opens with a girl behind a starbucks counter getting yelled at. She stars blankly at the customer complaining and her phone buzzes. She checks it and it is her agent. He says she got a call back for a role. She tosses her apron at the customer and runs out happy. Jump cut to her tied up in a basement screaming.
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Fake Movie Friday: Werner Herzog and the Time He Saved the Universe

It’s almost 10, I’m just leaving work, sitting on the train, writing FMF #52. I got a few title suggestions today, but the one I have to go with is (one of) Colm’s (sorry Lisa), who also helped me flush out some of the story. I give you:

Werner Herzog and the Time He Saved the Universe

We open on the BBC interview Werner Herzog gave in 2006, during which he was shot, but continued the interview as if nothing happened. He jokes about it in the interview, and regards the whole thing as insignificant. He lifts up his shirt to show the bullet hole and the camera goes straight into the hole, eventually stopping at the bullet, which is actually a shrunken alien drone ship. The ship starts to open up and takes hold of Herzog’s nervous system. At this point Herzog is home and a blank, drooling stare washes across his face. The drone takes control of Herzog’s mind and starts to talk to him, sounding strangely like the female voice that speaks the directions in most GPS’.

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Fake Movie Friday: Bonus Year

I got a bonus check today. If you’ve never been given a bonus I highly suggest you try it. It is delightful. Oh yeah, it’s week 52! Thank you everyone who has read any of these. If you’ve read all 52 and are not named Tigs or Russ then you are one of my favorite people in the world. You deserve a bonus.

Bonus Year
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