Author Archives: peter

Jun 30 2017
Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: The Klondike Mission

I think I might start prewriting these over the summer. I certainly have the time during the week and get oddly stressed fitting it into my Friday. So here I am on a Thursday. Got 12 titles from Tigs. May his reign never end.

The Klondike Mission

A young man stumbles through the snow. He clutches something close to his chest. He shakes mining tools off his waist trying to cut weight to run faster. We are in the mountains and it is clearly turn of the 20th century. We hear a growling behind him as he closes his eyes clutching closer to what we see is a huge chunk of gold. Title card.

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Jun 23 2017
Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Squid Sisters

This is the sixth FMF from the list of titles that Tigs sent me at the beginning of May. I’m going to need a new list soon. Though (spoiler) one of the titles I haven’t used yet will become the first in a trilogy. Writing this in the Bronx at An Beal!

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Jun 16 2017
Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Too Many Bats

Title comes from the Pig Pile audience! Remember the 1999 Lou Diamond Phillips film ‘Bats’? The title was upside down on the poster like how bats sleep! GET IT? Just like in that movie, the bats here are a metaphor.

Too Many Bats

A phone rings. Dale, a scraggily bearded man, stirs slowly in his bed. A great deal of light comes in and it’s clearly late. He answers the phone to find his ex wife Gail on the line. She chastises him for still being asleep this late. He is not communicative. She tells him that she thinks a box of hers is in the garage if he could put it out in the driveway she’ll find sometime to pick it up. He heads to the garage looking like shit and notices in the corner of the ceiling, a single bat.

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Jun 09 2017
Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Double Shot

Who knows how long I’ll be hitting that old list of 20+ titles Tigs gave me. Here’s another one.

Double Shot

We open on a warehouse by the dock. A deal is going down with some guns being sold to so foreign gangsters. Something moves in the shadows. A man with a smaller build in black tactical gear stars taking people out quietly. The bad guys start to catch on but are then quickly taken out. We hear a voice in the earpiece of our mystery man that says, “Get to the van, clean up crew here in 5.” The van door opens and someone says “Thank you for your service Agent Johnson.” The mystery man passes out.

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Jun 02 2017
Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Minor Murder

Still farming the very fertile land that was the long list of titles Tigs gave me last month.

Minor Murder

We begin at a crime scene. A man lies dead on the ground, shot several times in the chest. Two young cops are putting up tape and talking about what an asshole Tyler Elroy, the deceased, was. The camera pulls back to an EMT truck nearby where the EMTs are saying how glad they are that they didn’t get here in time because they aren’t sure if they’d try to save him or not. We back up further to some on lookers as the news spreads about who it is and they all seem happy. Detective Jane Heron cuts through the crowd and approaches the body, she sighs deeply and mutters “this fucking guy.”

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May 26 2017
Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: The Fact Checker

Don’t tell anyone but I’m writing this on a Wednesday! Title from Tigs. Actually everything before now was written on a Wednesday. From here on out is now Thursday work.

The Fact Checker

Christine works for a major metropolitan newspaper. We see a montage of her on the phone calling to check up on all sorts of stories to confirm quotes and details. Every once in a while it is something a bit juicy and people are uncomfortable or angry. Paul, a low level reporter who she doesn’t like and annoys her a bit, stops by and flirts with her. She is saved by one of the most respected and well-known journalists at the paper named Susan.

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May 19 2017
Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: The Great Barn

Title comes from last night’s Pig Pile! This is not going to be told in a linear fashion. Hope it makes sense. Warning: This turned out a) dark b) long.

The Great Barn

Movie opens with a huge barn on fire. It’s really going, like 100% on fire. It’s nighttime and we see cars parked near it. We see some decorations blowing in the wind.

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May 12 2017
Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Stolen Hearts

Right back hitting that giant list Tigs sent me last week. This is going to be Hitch but with magic powers.

Stolen Hearts

We open in a coffee shop. An attractive barista goes about her day. An unassuming man orders from her and sits near by. He works on a laptop and gets more than one drink. She doesn’t notice him staring. A real hot dude walks in and she looks up and her eyes light up a bit as an immediate attraction sparks up. Our main character, Quentin “Q” Pidd, bumps into the attractive man. Q then walks over to the unassuming man and touches him on the shoulder. The barista turns away and now looks longingly at the unassuming man. Q looks at the camera and says “Its just something I can do.”

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May 05 2017
Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Fools Gold

Tigs sent me 23 titles today. I’ll be picking from them for the next few weeks. There are some good ones in there. The man is a genius. Guy Ritchie isn’t, but I enjoy his gangster stuff a lot. This is one of those.

Fools Gold

We open on a man tied to a chair in a dimly lit room. In walks in Walter Hill, a tough London gangster type, begins to interrogate him about a robbery. Apparently someone stole a stash of gold and diamonds from a safe hidden in a front. The man tied up says he doesn’t know anything, two guys whose voices he didn’t recognize hit the store where the safe was and stumbled onto the safe. They didn’t seem to be going after the safe and lucked out. Hill kills the man and tells some henchman to find these idiots.

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Apr 28 2017
Fake Movie Friday

Fake Movie Friday Vol 2: Curley Sue’s Last Stand

Title from Tigs, clearly he nailed it in one. He also made the typo, which I am keeping and making it a part of the plot.

Curley Sue’s Last Stand

James Curley, an older man, sits outside his cabin in the woods. A fancy Cadillac pulls down the dirt road and a man in a suit exits. The well-dressed man addresses him as Sue. James has really curly hair and has always been referred to as Curley Sue. He asks Sue if he had time to look over the mining company’s proposal to buy his land. Sue point over to the side of the house at his wood chipper littered with white pieces of paper. The man shakes his head and tells him it was a generous offer. Sue says he agrees and tells the man to get off his land.

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