Movie Movie Podcast

I’ve been watching a lot of the great CNN show ‘the Eighties’. It inspired this fun fake movie:

Nerd Mom

It’s Saturday morning in 1985 and Tammy is trying to wake her children up. She starts with her youngest, Ruth a 9 year old tomboy. Ruth asks for 5 more minutes but Tammy reminds her that her father is picking them up. She jumps out of bed. Next is Ben, 15. His room is filled with metal posters and you can just smell the weed. He is sleeping half off his bed and he doesn’t respond when Tammy yells at him to get up. It’s only when after she physically shakes him that he stirs. She whispers “it’s your dad’s weekend, remember” and he violently tries to get up but ends up sliding to the ground. Finally it’s Anna, 17. Tammy finds the door locked and starts to bang. We see inside the room which is covered in Blondie posters. Anna is crawling through the window, hears the banging says “shit” and quickly puts on a bathrobe messes up her hair so it looks like she just got up and opens the door. “We will have a talk about you locking your door when you get back from your father’s” “Dad!” Anna exclaims and starts to get ready.
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I’ve been on a slasher kick for the last two weeks and wanted to continue on that theme. To mix it up a bit I wrote a protoslasher, a Giallo. They have amazing titles and I came up with one of my favorites. Adam’s poster from a few weeks back was great and I knew I wanted to make my own at some point and this was the perfect opportunity. Listen to Seven Notes in Black as you read this to get the full experience.

Five Scorpions in Amber Starlight

We open on a close up on a face. The man is in his fifties and looks like he has lived a hard life. The composition and lighting are perfect. The man doesn’t move. There is a click and we cut to a woman photographer. We cut back to a wider shot where the various lights and equipment are now visible.
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While waiting to go dancing I wrote up this little horror movie. It’s another festive one.

Ring in the New Year with Blood

We open with a montage of news reports about all the horrible things that have happened in 2016. The camera tracks back to reveal that all the images were being played on a TV in a classroom.
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I’m watching a terrible Christmas movie with my family right now. I’m a fan of holiday themed horror movies and ”tis the season.

You Better Watch Out

The date December 23 is superimposed over an overhead shot of the front of a department store. There is no one around except for a man dressed as Santa ringing a bell in front of a donation bin. The camera slowly moves down until it is in closeup on a twenty dollar bill right on top of the donations. The Santa looks around sees no one, takes a swig off his flask and grabs the twenty. We see a shadow cross the Santa. “Naughty naughty” a raspy voice says. As the Santa begins to say something an ax swings through the frame. His severed head drops into the donation bin.
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I finished this one up waiting for my friends Berto and Jaime’s fight. I got inspired by The Shallows.

Jump the Shark

We open with a pov shot from the perspective of a scuba diver. The swimmer sinks to lower and lower depths passing various sea life. The credits play as the music gets more ominous. Out of nowhere a shark attacks. The title card is shown.
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I just watched Sausage Party on my birthday and I got to thinking about what other objects were left to be anthropomorphized in film. I came up with this:

One Leg at a Time

We open in a bedroom. It’s dark. We hear disembodied voices. There is a conversation about who he is going to be picked on today. There is a strong voice “Red, I bet you anything it’s Red Shirt today.” A softer voice answers “Oh pipe down Gene, just because you get picked almost every day, that doesn’t mean you know everything” Gene (Randall Park) begins to answer when an alarm goes off. A figure gets out of bed and puts on fuzzy slippers. We only ever see him from the neck down. He gets ready and puts on a pair of well worn jeans and a red tee shirt.
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Three in a row, let’s see if I can keep this up. Here is my take on a movie like ‘Garden State’ from a different perspective. Enjoy.

Manic Pixi’d

Ron is driving down the highway. It’s the middle of the night and no one else is on the road. There is a bridge coming up and Ron drives right off it. The car hits the water and sinks. As the car fills with water Ron gets a satisfied look in his eyes.
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Ashley made me watch Nightmare Before Christmas and it was just Thanksgiving which we spend with Pete’s family (thanks Pete!) Tim Burton famously said “I was always very protective of [Nightmare] not to do sequels or things of that kind. You know, ‘Jack visits Thanksgiving world’ or other kinds of things just because I felt the movie had a purity to it and the people that like it.” You see where this is going.

Trick or Turkey

It’s the end of another Halloween. All of Halloweentown is celebrating except for Sally. She is depressed. Jack and their young son Sam sing a song about how good their lives are and how she should be thankful. She can’t be consoled, she brings up the fact that Jack always disappears around this time and is never honest about where he goes. Moreover Doctor Finklestein, her maker, disappeared earlier in the year and she doesn’t want to be alone. Jack is vague about where he goes but says it’s something he needs to do.
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Holy crap they brought it back! I had to join the fun. After the show last night Alex, Cargile and I were talking about an idea for a movie, and I had to write it up as my first returning Fake Movie Friday. Here goes:

Always a Groomsman

Chet (Miles Teller) sits by himself at a bar. He looks miserable. The bar is packed, but he nods to the bar tender who immediately comes over, pours him a shot of top shelf whiskey which Chet makes disappear. The bartender puts out 10 shot glasses but fills them with bottom shelf whiskey this time. Chet gives the bartender another knowing look, and turns around. He looks like a different person, happy as hell and yells, “who wants to get fucked up!” to which the bachalear party he was with the whole time scream like idiots.

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