Monthly Archives: September 2012

RebootoTron sets it’s sights on Manimal

Remember that shitty show from the 80’s Manimal? No? Well it was a show, ergo it can now be adapted and rebooted into a movie.

Fuck this.

Manimal was an early 80’s tv show about a Dr. who could turn into animals and used that power to help the police solve crimes.  Seriously.  That is not a fake movie friday.  That was a real thing.  Because it was a TV show tho, he really only ever turned into a Hawk or a Panther.  If he turned into another animal, they just didn’t show the transformation onscreen, since the only morphing sequences were Hawk and Panther.

DUUUUUUUUUUMB!

The 80’s had some really bad ideas (Small Wonder, “Very Special Episodes about Pedophilia’, etc.), but Manimal might be the worst one.  It was so bad that it was canceled after 3 months.  8 episodes in total exist, so this is what Sony decides needs to be adapted.  Are we this creatively bankrupt that we have to start taking the worst ideas from 30 years ago?

C’mon…

There is no way this wont get turned into a Happy Madison comedy for Rob Schneider (though he technically already made that movie), or Nick Swardson, or hell, Andy Samberg.

It’s going to suck and I’m not going to see it.

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Gunn Loaded for GoTG

James Gunn is confirmed for ‘Guardians of the Galaxy!’ Thankfully it has a release date of August 2014, so he has plenty of time to rewrite it with his own voice, Joss can help out, and take is time planning the film. So we don’t have a space epic that looks like ‘Green Lantern.’

In the director’s own words
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Great Expectations Joke

Jokes about the title of ‘Great Expectations’ are entirely too easy. Also as easy is making adaptations of the story because we have ANOTHER film coming out soon. This one directed by Mike Newell whose last three movies are the funniest collection of disjointed work ‘Harry Potter 4’, ‘Love in the Time of Cholera’, and ‘Prince of Persia.’

Film versions in ’34 and ’46.
Made for TV movies in ’54,’69, and ’67
Back to film in ’74, ’89,’98,and ’99
Finally another BBC version in 2011.

This is COMPLETELY necessary.

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This Should Wrap Up Our RoboCop Reboot Coverage

We’ve been bouncing back and forth with our interest in the reboot of ‘Robocop.’ A real strong cast has excited us. A director struggling to make the movie he wants has frightened us. Through it all we’ve kept saying- “Wait for the suit. The suit is whats most important.” Now we have the suit, and it’s shit.

Granted this is just a set pic, I still really hate the design. Maybe there will be things added digitally, but still, I think I’m done caring about this film.

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The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue A.K.A. Let Sleeping Corpses Lie

Here is the next movie in my top 5 zombie films.  The early to mid 70s was an interesting time for zombie movies because it was before Dawn of the Dead had redefined the genre, making things more comic bookish, action oriented, and apocalyptic.  If you want things more somber and that have settings such as crypts, vaults, and cemeteries, the 70s are a good place to look.  The Blind Dead series is a great example of this, but the best is The Living Dead at the Manchester Morgue.  There is some great social commentary, an interesting mechanism that creates the zombies and some great zombie gore.  Someone was kind enough to upload the entire movie on Youtube, so check it out:

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Fake Movie Friday: Merritt

I just got home from work and a rehearsal dinner. I really have no idea what to write about, so this is all I could come up with. This may or may not be based on the Rudolph Wurlitzer novel Nog. Let’s see if I can finish this before midnight.

Merritt

Dave drives his dirty white van down an abandoned highway in the middle of the desert. He pulls up to a commune on the side of the road. People start to leave their tents and come out to greet the truck. The van has the words, “Say Hi” written on one side and “Fear the Creature Inside” on the other. The leader of the commune, Lockee, comes up and bows to Dave. The rest of the people soon follow. Dave is given a package and then heads back on the road.

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Fake Movie Friday: 21st

This is my 21st Fake Movie Friday. Thus this is entitled

21st

We open on with our main character waking up in his bed to find his parents standing above him. He jumps as they shout HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHEN! He tells them to leave him alone. We find out it’s his 21st birthday, but he’s home for the summer from college. All his friends were unable to come or meet up so he’s stuck at home during the summer.
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Fake Movie Friday – No Chance In Hell!

I’m writing this in a starbucks while I have a free 30 mins between visits, so I apologize if it’s dumb as shit:

No Chance In Hell

No Chance In Hell is a teen comedy with a dash of fantasy added in.  It’s primarily for teenagers to see on a date.  It’s toothless and lame.

Michael Angarano stars as Kevin Lewis, your typical 00’s nerd, meaning he’s not a nerd, just not popular.  Megan Fox stars as Kendra Hamilton, the super popular bitchy girl who way back when was friends with Kevin.  They kissed Freshman year and shortly after that she started dating a complete prick Senior named Austin Rogers, captain of the Lacrosse team at McKinley Regional HS.  He is played by Tyler Hoechlin.

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Fake Movie Friday – Bipartisan

I realised that I have never written a romantic comedy, well I’ll have to change that. Most romantic comedies have to have some silly obstacle that keeps our lovers apart until the finale, I mean there were two movies last year where the obstacle was that the two people are friends (No Strings Attached, Friends with Benefits). Well I’ve got a hell of an obstacle for my star crossed lovers:

Bipartisan
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Zombie A.K.A. Zombie 2

I realized that I have already done the trailers for 2/5th of my five favorite zombie movies, so I’ll continue with that. I also brought up European ripoffs of Dawn of the Dead, and this is the best example of one. Lucio Fulci’s Zombie came out one year after Dawn of the Dead and shares similar stylistic choices (i.e. the extreme gore) but it is a bit unfair to call it a ripoff (though I just did). Zombie does a lot of things different, for example the tropical location, crazy action sequences (zombie vs. shark!) and amazing makeup design (which I much prefer to Dawn of the Dead’s, sorry Tom Savini!). Moreover it was conceived and largely made completely independently of of Dawn of the Dead. The ripoff aspect is more about how the film was marketed. Granted, the sequences at the beginning and end of the film in New York City were added to the script to capitalize on the success of Dawn of the Dead, but it gets most of its reputation as a ripoff from its title. Dawn of the Dead was titled Zombie in Europe and did very well at the box office, so this movie was titled Zombie 2. In the U.S. it was just known as Zombie, but the tag line was “When the earth spits out the dead, they will return to tear the flesh of the living” sounds eerily similar to Dawn’s famous tag line “When there is no room in hell, the dead will walk the earth”. I much prefer Zombie’s other tag line, the simple and direct “We are going to eat you!”. Regardless, enjoy the trailer for Zombie A.K.A. Zombie 2.

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