A few weeks ago we brought you news about Steve McQueen’s (Shame) new film ’12 Years A Slave’ http://wp.me/p2mPy2-a5
The film will undoubtedly be truthful and unwavering in its portrayal of American slavery. The cast is incredible. Now news hits of two words that once again catapults this film forward
Omar Comin…
Wife Sentence
Andy (Adam Scott) has just lost his job and is forced to move back to his hometown in New Jersey. While home he decides to look up his old high school ex girlfriend Kim (Ellie Kemper) who he broke up with on prom night for a more popular girl. She doesn’t seem to want anything to do with him. Then while out with his old best friend Sam (Jason Sudeikis) who has become a smarmy womanizer who loves seducing woman with low self esteem he convinces him that Kim should have been the one. Andy leaves Kim a drunken voicemail confessing his love and apologizing for making the biggest mistake of his life.
While recovering from his hangover and walking home from Sam’s someone dressed all in black runs out of a jewelery store carrying a bag of stolen merchandise and runs into him. They drop the bag and run off and Andy is left there holding the bag. The police come and don’t believe him and they arrest him for the robbery!
Andy is about to be sentenced when Kim shows up in court and offers to take custody of him. The judge releases him to her supervision saying if he doesn’t follow her upstanding lead he’ll be back in jail. Once in the car Kim reveals that she is the robber and turns on the crazy blaming Andy for turning her to a life of crime when he left her. But now she owns him and he has to make it up to her by becoming her partner, in crime AND MARRIAGE!
Andy becomes a nervous wreck and they become a bumbling Bonnie and Clyde. Andy’s probation officer, Officer Jamie has been taking a shine to him (played by Kristen Wiig). She knows what’s going on but won’t arrest him and just wants him to come clean to her but out of fear for the increasingly psychopathic Kim he won’t.
As the biggest heist Kim plans their wedding for town hall while gold bars are getting moved through there. During their vows while looking at Officer Jamie he confesses the whole thing. Both of them get arrested and we see at the end Andy and Jamie having a budding romance through the glass of a prison visiting room.
Our good friend Zach joins us this week. He’s a funny, attractive, and successful comedian. Check out his website http://zachbroussard.com/
Occupy MY HEART Street
By Zach Broussard
Coming to Theaters This Christmas: OCCUPY MY HEART STREET
We open on a series of newscasts about the ongoing financial crisis, raises for bankers and the gridlock in Washington. We see Aimee – a sad 20 something played by KRISTEN STEWART – getting ready for her corporate job as a banker at Globo Bank International.
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Dunn returns to smash your face with his brain. Enjoy!
With Snow White and the Huntsman and Alice and Wonderland, Hollywood discovered that they can make lots of money by taking fairy tales shoehorning in the Hero’s Journey, and putting the princess in a suit of armor. Well, two can play at that game, without further ado, I present
The Princess and the Pea
By Andrew Dunn
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I had absolutely no idea what to do this week. Russ suggested this title for me and I tried. Enjoy.
Stop, Drop, and Roll
The film opens up as fire investigator Charles Leary, played by Jeremy Renner, is giving a speech about how fires spread. It’s a scary speech that goes into violent detail about the power of fire. The camera pulls back and we see he is in 3rd grade classroom and the kids are shocked. He looks at the disappointed teacher, played by Elizabeth Banks, as she shakes her head at him. The principal steps in and asks the classroom what to do if they are on fire and they all shout “Stop, Drop and Roll!”
Outside Leary is smoking staring at the lighter. Quick cuts of fires and burned people flash on the screen and he drops it. The teacher, Rachel Hunter, picks it up and gives it back to him and it is clear they are dating. They talk about how he has become burnt out (they actually use this term) and jaded from his job. Fire Trucks zoom by as his phone rings. It’s the chief, played by James Gandolfini, standing outside a burning warehouse and says, “Get down here Leary. He’s back.”
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This one is a friendship test, just to see who has been paying attention over the last few years.
I call it Up on the Sun:
We open on a static shot of a man alone with his back to the camera, sitting at the sand dune overlooking the ocean, watching the sun set, smoking a joint. It’s a very pretty scene. There is an opening monologue from the man:
“Beautiful isn’t it? The majesty of all that is nature. The infinite expanse of the world. Time fading into eternity and circling around to the beginning. It is a special moment. One that anyone would like to share with someone else. Why am I here alone? We’ll get there.”
The whole thing will probably be narrated.
Ok, Ashley may be a little crazy. Here is her delightfully weird story of murder and dogs.
Because I don’t want to live in a world where this isn’t a movie I get to watch whenever I’m feeling a little blue, I bring you
Melody
by Ashley Carter
We open on a couple played by Kristen Connolly (our titular character) and some unknown actor we’ll call Boyfriend 1. Melody is an intelligent, funny, and easygoing woman. She owns an adorable medium-sized dog named Basil and clearly has great circle of friends, a great job, etc. The soundtrack to this movie will be upbeat as we follow Melody through her life/adventures in dating.
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That show on ABC Family, Bunheads, is about Ballet and is doing well, so why not make a Ballet movie? That is where today’s film comes from.
The movie begins with a group of women rushing to Grand Central station. We don’t know what the hurry is, but we see as one of them checks her watch that it’s 4:55pm. When they finally arrive at the station, they spread out, and begin to gracefully pickpocket commuters leaving work and heading to their trains. They have extremely elegant movements. Some would even think they were Ballet dancers their leaps, pliès and motions are so graceful. Anyway, they get back to their loft-like hideout, and their leader Stitch, played by Michelle Rodriguez, says they need to do better. They only got $1,000 which will only last the 5 of them for another month. They need to start getting better. We see one of the girls, Mira, played by Chloe Moretz doesn’t look happy. She says, isn’t there another way we could make money? Stitch has a long monologue about how she found Mira when she was abandoned years ago by her foster parents and raised her as her own. This is the only life she knows, and the only life she’ll ever know. The other nondescript, but racial diverse girls tell Mira to just relax, and they all get the stretching and taking off their dancer shoes or whatever.
Hey Dudes, it’s Fake Movie Friday yet again, so I figured we’d start things off with a submission from a very good friend of Priest and the Beekeeper, Tarik Davis. He’s written a filmed an excellent short video that sums up almost exactly how we feel films are made these days. Also, with Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter coming out in theaters today, this couldn’t be more appropriate.
Check out his video and trailer here!:
Liam Neeson has a very specific set of skills. He’s the toughest older sonuvabitch in Hollywood. He’s got size and stature and actually looks like he crushes windpipes as a hobby. It comes as no surprise that the role that got him his start as the premiere older badass, that of Bryan Mills is getting the sequel treatment. Taken 2 is coming and no one is safe: